My Initiation Into Motherhood

9/19/2016

The story of my first pregnancy, birth and postpartum

My daughter turns 7 this month.
I find myself reflecting more this year than ever before.

Annabelle is going through so many changes right now, physically and emotionally. I'm starting to see glimpses of what it will be like when she's a *TEENAGER!!*
*Insert gasp and look of horror here!!

After sharing my journey with postpartum depression after my most recent baby, I thought I'd take you back to my first pregnancy, birth and postpartum.

Our first birth inevitably takes us to places we've never been before. We come out different than when we went in...
This, I believe, is our initiation into motherhood.

My first baby, second pregnancy

My pregnancy was rather uneventful. I had had a miscarriage (blighted ovum) in the months before this pregnancy and I experienced some spotting and cramping in my first trimester. I was comforted and more at ease once we had our first ultrasound and got to see her.
At the time, I was working at Don Pablos in Rookwood Commons without insurance so I went to the OBGYN clinic at Good Sam and saw a different doctor at each visit.. At the time, I didn't know that I had lots of options for prenatal care.

I didn't really start showing in pregnancy until around 26 weeks.

A baby shower thrown by the servers I worked with. I'm so grateful for the support of other women!

My First Birth
The Birth of a Mother, Baby and Family...

My water broke on our couch at 40 weeks + 3 days and I immediately waddled into the hospital with a towel between my legs, terrified of what was to come, and completely trusting of the doctors and nurses to get my baby out... My sister and niece joined me at the hospital. My partner was just as naive and new to this as I was ...

In the end, I had a pretty good but very standard medical birth including pitocin, an epidural, coached pushing...and I survived on ice chips for 21+ hours...

Even with all the medical support, the moment Annabelle came out and was placed on my chest, I was transformed
from woman into mother!
I hope to never forget that feeling of her warm little head on my chest.

I remember thinking, ''I can't believe she's real.''

My first postpartum

The first days, (weeks and even years) are a blur.
I remember that the hospital recovery room was surprisingly small.
I remember thinking, ''I can't believe they are letting us leave with this little baby.''
I did have lots of experience with babies but even still, we had no idea what we were getting into.

My first postpartum was exhausting and exhilarating. I had no other children in the house, I had several weeks off work and I slept when she slept. Breastfeeding went well, with no issues that I can remember. My goal was to make it 6 weeks and I ended up nursing her until she was 10 months.

I know now that things could have gone a very different route. Birth trauma is real, postpartum depression happens when you least expect it, and breastfeeding is rarely a walk in the park..

As lucky as I was, none of us come out unscathed, none of use come out unchanged. We learn and we grow, we evolve as women into mothers...

This was my initiation. 

If you'd like to prepare for your own initiation, click here to learn more here about the dynamic childbirth and parenting preparation series, Birthing From Within

Childbirth & Parenting Preparation

“I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be.”

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." and so in you the child your mother lives on and through your family continues to live... so at this time look after yourself and your family as you would your mother for through you all she will truly never die.”

Annabelle now...

Here's Annabelle now She's smart, funny, and caring. I love her SO much! I'm so happy to have been chosen as her mother and her my daughter.

Molly Murray

Molly Murray is a Cincinnati Birth Doula, Childbirth and Parenting Mentor, Placenta Specialist and the owner and founder of the Cincinnati Birth & Parenting Network

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