Molly Murray - Birth, Life, and Business Doula
Mothering Without a Mother...and the Importance of Mom Friends
In my last blog post, I mentioned that if I'm going to blog on a regular basis, I have to be more real with you all. Birth preparation is wonderful and absolutely worth writing about, but so is life and motherhood!
Sharing my story is important to me.
To affirm this, I was recently listening to a talk with Seth Godin who blogs daily and he said something to the effect of, ''I write how I talk...and I've never met anyone who gets talking block.''
It's true, right? It may be hard to write out everything if I'm worried about doing it right or fitting into a box... but if I just share with you, how I would in person, I could go on for sometime!
Read on to hear about my journey in mothering without a Mother and the importance of Mom friends in my life.
Here we are, another Mother's Day has come 'round. I always see it coming but don't think much about it...until I'm inundated with pictures and memes on Facebook.
And then boom! It's here, hits me like a ton of bricks...and is gone.
I mean, I love Mothers Day in the way that I'm glad Moms are getting recognition... and I see that there's a shift in our world to show more appreciation of Mothers and the blood, sweat and tears we put into this job... or rather, what it unrelentingly pulls out of us.
But I have to say, Mothers Day always throws me right into a place of honoring and grieving my Mother, thinking about how she lives on through me... but especially about what life would be like with her here.
My Mother died of a heroin overdose when I was 13 years old. I was really lucky in the way that she was an incredible Mother for most of my childhood. She was sober and lived a life of FUN and service, always helping others in recovery...and hosting events left and right.
It was wonderful...until it wasn't ... and then she was gone pretty quickly after her relapse.
If any of you out there have lost your Mother, you know it's hard!
It's hard to not have a grandma for your children on your side of the family. It's hard to not have your Mom to call when you or the kids are sick or when something goes wrong....or really really right!
It's becoming less frequent now, but there are times that I'll still think, ''I should call my Mom.'' before I remember that she isn't here...and hasn't been here for 15 years.
The worst is when I have seen someone who looks like her in the grocery store and I can't help but follow them for a bit, pretending that she's still here.
Maybe she just needed a break, took a vacation...maybe this has all been a twisted joke.
Ugh. But I realize that's not, has never been and isn't going to be reality.
My Mom is gone...and I'm left to Mother without my Mother.
The importance of Mom friends in my life...
You guys, I just have to say.... Mom friends are everything.
My Mom friends are how I get through life without my mother.
When I first had my daughter 7 years ago, I found MomsLikeMe . com
It was a public forum where we could all post questions, talk, and we even had meetups.
These are the women I called or posted to when pregnancy extended beyond 40 weeks or when I was struggling with serving tables, taking care or my grandmother and mothering...
My Mom friends have evolved over the years. It seems that every few years, I move into a new circle of friends...and that's okay.
As we grow as people, we shift and change, we move from city to city or mindset to mindset.
I was a lot more ''mainstream'' 7 years ago, shifted to super ''crunchy'' or ''granola'' when my middle son was born ..
And now I fall somewhere in the middle.
If you don't know what any of that means, that's okay.
Read this article -- The Crappy Mohs Scale of Crunchy Mamas
I consider myself a diamond.
My Mom friends are found mostly online in Facebook groups, but I make it a point to host weekly meetups in our Westside Cincy Mamas group, I host a monthly Women's Circle (there is one this evening and every 2nd Sunday of the month) where we come together, lighting candles and pass a talking stick, sharing what's on our hearts and minds.
I meet up with my friends to workout, I call them when I'm frustrated or disappointed or when I have *another BIG idea*! because I know that they'll say, ''Yesss!! If it feels right, do it!''
My Mom friends have become a conglomerate Mother for me.
We mother each other...
I appreciate their company, their wisdom and insight... and I also appreciate that they can respect when I say, ''I don't want you to tell me what to do, but here's what I'm struggling with.''
I honestly just couldn't do life without any of them!
If you are without your Mother or even if you're not... If you're just craving community and connection, I urge you to reach out, to find Moms that you can trust and relate to.
Moms that you can be real with, Moms who will answer your phone calls or texts...
Or Mom friends that will understand if it's been 3 months since you talked but who still love you and understand that life goes in seasons and stages...
These Moms are out there...and if you need help finding them, I'd love to help!
Because really, when it comes down to it, we're all in this thing called life and motherhood together.
To all my Mom friends over the years....Thank you!
If you need help connecting with Mom friends, reach out to me! I'll hook you up with the coolest circles out there and you can grow into whatever feels right.
Cincinnati Mother, Birth and Postpartum Doula, Childbirth Educator and Founder of the Cincinnati Birth and Parenting Network.